jolovesyou

haa.. very happy today. went out with nick kor, played arcade. happy, although i lost to him la.. but no worries, i’ll work on my driving skills. no wonder i took 15 lessons and still cannot drive well. haha

after that, we walked back to my house. from j8 so it’s not that far afterall. it was fun. laughing throughout. oh by the way, he an abusive guy.. he punched me 8 times or even more and pushed me about 3 times la.. oh man.. well, i had my revenge too. i really slapped him.. haha.. was great!

thanks nick! i had a great time, though short! relive the past, sweet memories!

well, wondered and thought for a very long time!

finally, i’ve made a decision. that is to have a new look. well, not as bad as i expected. i think i like it.. finally can live my life for myself! finally i’m in control of my own life!

i seriously like what i am now. enjoying. what he said is true. we missed out too much with friends and family. i am gald that we both are working hard to catch up with what we missed out. i am still young. only 19. i still have many things that i wanna try.

well, fulfilled one thing. still have the 10km marathon to go! yeah!

meeting nick kor later.. haha.. yi bin asked also but i agreed to meet nick already.. i know nick kor will laugh at me.. but i’m prepared. haha.. coz whenever i look at myself in the mirror, i giggled too:)

haha..

gymed this morning.. attended the body combat lesson.. felt so good… really good.. haha..

then i went to queue for the donuts at raffles city. well, i said i would buy for him. gave him 6 or 7.. for his mum too..

today was the last time i seen his mum and him..

well, still best friends so no worries:)

my mum and brother and cousins and aunties ans uncles said that the donuts are nice.. so it’s kinda worth queueing.. today is not bad, only queued for 1 hour 15 mins.. ahha..

bringing some for my classmates tml..

i feel like cutting short my hair.. concave.. i wanted to long ago, but din have a chance coz charles say i long hair nice.. well.. now i live my life for myself, it’s time to take control back again.

avoir!

well.. that’s it.

i am just glad that he is happy now. serious.. i understand what he is facing and the only thing i can do is to wish him all the best.

All the best charles. remember, since you have set your goals, pursue them and don let anything deter you. ok?

as for me, life goes on. i have already let go. as he said, this is just part of life. without any obstacles, we won grow.

we are still friends, best friends, confidante.

i’m really glad things turned out this way. just as expected, no hopes. i have set my goals and i’m really to go all the way!

To myself, CHERRS & NEVER GIVE UP!

to all, thanks for always being there for me when i am down. THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart!

haha.. smiles!

it’s past 12 already..

very disappointed!

but i know i have to live on… this sparks the beginning of my new life.. it’s no more living for others, but myself…

cheers!

yup, it’s 290707. 2 years and 8 months.

i’ve been waiting for 22 and a half hours. just a message. just one. but none came.

i knew it. no high hopes set this time. i won cheat myself. i know it very clearly. he no longer cares and loves for me.

it’s very clear. i set my mind at ease. i really feel like crying.. crying out loud! but i cant. i know i cant and i shouldn’t.

why? why? why?

shout out loud! somone please save me!

nitez.

Hey..

yesterday, 280707 was an unlucky day, well, only for in the morning.. after that not anymore. waited for bus so long, took me about 1.5 hours or 2 to get to trang’s house. donno what happened!

hmm.. trang’s house was fun, we took pics and stuffs, cam whores.. serious! i enjoy taking pics, i feel that there’s nothing wrong. though i may be laughing, but i’m still sad deep in my heart. why? because 290707 is our (charles and i) anniversary. 2 years and 8 months..

after that, we left to town for dinner and shop. while we were in the bus, nearing town, there is this old man seating behind trang, blow whistle at her la.. for 2 times even! i turned back and stared at him, really wanna to punch him in the face! just to vent my anger also. haha.. was really funny. haha

had chicken rice at far east, not too bad. edible. i miss eating chicken rice with him.. bishan’s chicken rice is one of his favourite. forget it! no more nonsense yeahz?

went to walk around far east.. i bought a jumper.. nice, wearing it on tues! haha.. then went to taka, trang bought flip-flops and a 2 shirts. i bought for her a blouse as er belated birthfay present la.. coz she like it.. i’m glad! oh, she’s wearing it on tues too!

next is the best part of the night! chilling! denny’s birthday, i bought cheesecake at crystal jade, 40% off so it’s kinda worth it la. i ordered Manhattan Sweet. it taste like shit! so i only took a few slips and din drink much. had fun, chatting, making noises, chilling, singing and playing.. haha.. i was like crazy, i know. i study and play hard ok? haha.. we talked about relationships problem between me and charles and also sixian and joel and leonard.

seeing her sad, it’s really miserable. i understand how she feels. she’s really suffering. for the whole night, she did not smile at all. i just don understand guys, why must they always make the gal suffer? before breakup, she’s crying, after breaking up, it’s even more hurting.

i really wonder why? well, i’m somewhat in a similar situation as her. i really wonder if i do have a boyfriend? every gal loves to be loved. why is love so complicated. until now, i’m still thinking about what he said, "you are a burden", "only sometimes i’m happy with you". it’s been 2 years plus. and he said that. it is truly devastating. my heart really sank each time i think of this.

i keep wondering, am i attached? or am i single, avaliable and ready to mingle. haha.. it’s a serious question. and i really want to know the answer. 290707 is anniversary, like i mentioned. i really hope that he would at least sms me.. but i know he won. serious. my friends say that i should have a clean break with him. there is no point going on like that. i am the one miserable. not him. he is enjoying his life, well, so i am. well, we just have to wait and see whether if he sms or call me. i know he is busy, he has training and canoeing later. while, it’s time to stop protecting him. stop cheating myself. even if after a month, we really get back together, i believe there will be a gap and feelings changed.

what’s more, right after exams, i’m going to malaysia to have fun. but i really wanna see him and clarify matters. it’s just as simple as that. it won take up much of his time. but i know, he won see me. he don love me anymore.

i still have to get on with life. monday, i going to queue for donut factory. well, visit his mum and see how she is.. just trying my luck, cheating myself again, for the last time. i really am very tired. i want a break….

well, should be a bad and good day today.

why bad? coz i almost screwed up my project, really careless and forgetful to full to add in one part of my work. lucky, saw the other groups doing it, remind me of the work. handed in the project, took it back, deone drived me home and printed them out.. and tada! finally over, but still left with one to go.. all the way joanne!

good.. coz i met up with my 6 years nick kor.. well, think it’s the 5th time.. don really remember.. but it’s really nice… i remember that we used to talk on phone till really late when i was younger, sec 2? haha.. sweet memories.. but yeah, that’s history. what’s important is present and future.

we talked a lot, about relationships and stuff, had dinner and desserts.. ate ramen and cheese cake.. delicious. why? coz depends on who you are with also… but yeahz.. it’s good. but from him, i learnt something..

1. love myself before loving someone.

2. what can i do for that someone i love

haha.. so complicated.. but life’s like that.. i never know what will happen and what i can do now is to cherish the moments.

oh, watched The simpsons movie.. was hilarious… seriously.. but don ask me the details.. coz i don really remember.. i was just like laughing all the way… don ring a bell about the details anymore.

he sent me home and went to meet my da sao, she stays in bishan too, so it’s real near. so sweet ahz.. reminds me of charles.. but nahz.. forget it. oh, i saw charles’ dragon boat friend, cant remember her name, the one with the dog. lovely dog, like Russ. she’s nice.. she thought i’m with charles, but i’m not.

to be frank, i miss charles.. but no point. i am just so caught in the middle. i really don wanna think about anything.

avoir!

yup, it’s the first time i’m posting.

today.. things din turn out as well as i thought. i am feeling really down.. why? same old stuffs la..

Charles.. i saw his friendster profile.. i’m really glad that he is working real hard to carve a name for himself, making full use of his time. he thanked everyone who played a part in his life. i’m just upset that i’m not the one, not even part of him poly-life. all his friends are in, but not me. well, all the best to him… got nothing else to say.

i really want to feel numb! i don want to think of anything anymore, but i cant do it. he thinks i’ll be happy but i’m not. i feel that our future is very vaugue. i’ll willing to do anything for him. i just need an assurance that he still loves me. that keeps my life going..

i really hope that you are able to understand how i feel, coz i truly understand what he needs, that’s why we are what we are now.

i know life’s complicated. we have to work hard in order to get what we want. that’s why i never opposed him.

i really want to talk to him. i tried calling and msn-ing him but to no avail. it’s a terrible feeling. it’s like someone pushed you down a 72 storey building and you are not dead… in short, it’s hell!

i went to pubs last week, well, can say to drown my sorrows, but it din work out for me. i cant even talk to him!

i really love him.. but i doubt i’m getting anything in return.

xian — "don put your hopes too high"

i know.. but i really wanna be PART OF HIS LIFE.. just part and not full.. i know he wanna me to be independent of him and i’m trying my best and i can do it.

but looks like he’s really getting on well without me, afterall, i’m a burden to him.

i feel that if you really love someone, even if you are very busy, just a sms would cheer me up. just it! but… you know.. Haiz..

there’s still many things that we have not done before. but next monday, i’ll fulfill something which we both mentioned before. wanna know? wait till then..

avoir!